I still remember...

I still remember as if it was yesterday....April 2007, when we found out that we were pregnant with our second child, but four days later I started bleeding. I fell down on my knees and cried, begging The Lord and Blessed Mother to save the baby, to let me care for the baby here on earth. I begged Him if He wanted to take this baby early to heaven, He does it quickly and don't leave me in limbo. Couple of days later, I had a miscarriage. We lost our baby, I didn't get a chance to baptize him as it happened so fast. Surprisingly, I didn't cry, I was at peace and relieved, knowing that my prayers were answered.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, after the miscarriage, we tried to get pregnant again, with no luck. We went to doctors, RE, did lots of tests, clomid, needles, planning for IUI (we didn't do it, somehow, God's hands were on it, and it didn't happen). Tears, pains, longings, jealousy, despair, you name it, I had it. I offered more prayers, more sacrifices, more Mass...nothing.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, when we decided to pursue adoption. Adoption has been very dear to our hearts, somehow, again, God led us to it. We chose the agency, we did the paper work, home study, profile book, and it was all done, and we waited...for one and a half long years. In the mean time, more tears, more prayers, more sacrifices, more pain, more longing, more despair, you name it, I had it.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, we spent summer 2009 in Virginia. We just came back from visiting my in laws in Pennsylvania. I was checking my e-mails, and saw one from our social worker about a birth mother situation. She wanted to meet us. She chose another family, and somehow, she felt in her heart that she wanted to meet us also. I can see now that it was Holy Spirit who place that in her heart. I was excited, but DH was on guard. 'She chose another family already' he kept saying, our family was just for reassurance, or second choice. I kept praying and praying, and praying, in tears begging The Lord for peace. Rosary was my constant companion.

We flew just to meet this wonderful young lady. I still remember as if it was yesterday, after the meeting, we didn't know what to expect, we went to a hotel, took a nap, but I couldn't sleep. I went to a bathroom, and said my novena(I know, bathroom is the one place I can pray without being disturbed). When I was finished my prayer, our cell phone rang, it was our social worker, saying that the birth mother decided to chose us to adopt her baby....Never Ever Underestimate the power of Three Hail Marys Novena. DH was still on guard, it was not finished.

While waiting for the baby boy to be born, Rosary was my constant companion, I kept praying and praying, to be allowed to adopt this baby boy. I kept praying and praying, telling God that I was scared to get hurt, to be disappointed, I was scared to hope, but I was scared not to hope, I kept repeating what Our Lord said in the garden 'Not My will, but Your will be done'. I kept saying 'Lord, let Your will be my will'

I still remember as if it was yesterday, the baby boy was born. The birth mother had a very hard time letting him go for her love for this sweet child is huge. We prayed and waited and prayed and waited. We were in limbo, Our world was turning upside down.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, the excitement to receive a phone call telling me that the birth mother will sign the surrender paper, only to find out on the day when she was supposed to sign and we picked our baby boy, that it was not going to happen. She still couldn't let go.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, the tears as I put back the crib back in the garage. I put back the baby clothes that I washed and folded back in storage, I gave away the diapers, binkies, and lotion to my dear friend who was expecting a baby girl. I fell down on my knees, with tears, crying uncontrollably, I opened my heart to let Our Lord see the pain I have. I didn't blame Him, I understood, but still the pain was there. This happened for 1 long month. The pain, the suffering, was so intense. Sorrowful Mystery from The Rosary was the only Mystery that I could pray with tears. Amazingly, I prayed it well, as I could relate my pain (although my pain was nothing compare to His) to Our Lord's pain during His suffering. I placed everything, nothing to hide at the foot of His Cross. I was searching for Blessed Mother hands to hold when I prayed, I was burying my face on her lap as I wept.

I still remember as if it was yesterday, It was Thursday, Sept 10, 2009, we just came back from our monthly homeschooling meeting. I had a headache, so as soon as we got home, I was getting ready for bed. DH was preparing Miss. A to bed. It was 9pm when our cell phone rang. It was our social worker..the conversation was like:

SC: Hi Amelia, how are you?

Me: good, how are you?

SC: Good, do you have any plans tonight?

Me: (well, it's 9 pm, and I'm in PJ my plan is to sleep) No, not really

SC: Do yo think you can go out again and pick up your son?

Me: speechless....you're joking right?

I still remember as if it was yesterday, at 9pm, DH heard me screaming of joy, ran to the kitchen, and I told him we had to get going and pick up our son. We loaded the car seat, we didn't have any diapers, and we drove 1 1/2 hours in the middle of the night to pick up our son.

God is faithful. He held our hands in those trials, He understood our pain, He wept with us. At the end, He turned our tears into joy.

"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones." -St. Therese of The Child Jesus-

When we picked him up at the agency office

New family of four

A day at home

Mr.C right now