Part 2

I don't even know how to start this part. It's hard to find the right word when it comes to stating the facts  without pointing fingers to others. Maybe I should start with this....

Things were 'good' with my parents. Couple of years ago, my youngest sister came to live with us with the hope to be able to finish her high school and to experience what it is like living abroad. Let's just say that she and our family (DH and I) have different values, and things didn't work out for us to have my youngest sister living with us. She was having a hard time adjusting with our rules and values, which is understandable, since for 15 years she had been living with my parents and their values. She took out her frustration in not-very-nice ways. After she went back to my country, unfortunately, my dear sister is holding a grudge and bitterness against our family, especially me (how I can relate :) ).

There were some occasions that my sister lashed out her bitterness and anger towards DH and I in a very hurtful way for our family, especially for me. After one incident, I sent out an e-mail to my mom, explaining about how I feel about not being treated as a family member..yada..yada...yada.., and let's just say that I feel her explanation didn't solve the problem.

I feel that the way my parents reacted to these incidents have deepened my wounds and I feel that it is just another confirmation to me that I haven't being treated as a member of their family. I feel that they held their peace at no cost, after all, siblings fight, right?. Part of it might be my pride too. I know that I should be able to forgive right away even before I was asked, and I shouldn't expect that my sister will ask for an apology, since she is just as stubborn as I am. However, feeling that I wasn't treated as a daughter, especially after what happened with my baby, has made it even harder. Right now, I feel that I have forgiven my sister, I know it because when I remember about what she did or said I don't feel any anger.

However, I haven't been able to forgive my parents when I remember how they responded to these incidents. This is the area that I have to work on. I feel that my parents knew what my sister did was wrong and disrespectful, but they would say that it was just a phase, 'a teenager's phase'. I feel that my parents just stood there and watching when my sister lashed out at me in a very hurtful way, without even saying "stop, you're not treating your sister like that, even though your sister might be wrong, but lashing out like that is disrespectful".

I feel that they want to be 'fair' and didn't want to take side even though their youngest daughter was being rude to her sister. I didn't expect for them to take sides. I might approach the problem the wrong way, I should have learnt my lesson and just kept my mouth shut, but regardless, I feel that that's not the reason for someone to say hurtful things and being disrespectful, am I making sense? Again, they didn't address the incidents, and just keep their silence.

I feel that I am required by my parents that I should have just excepted the fact that rudeness was just one of those "teenagers' phase" that my youngest sister is going through. Again, I know it is my pride, I know in my brain that I should be able to accept that it is what it is. So there....the wounded wounds.

We have been enjoying reading Once Upon a Time Saints, and recently we bought the sequel of More Once Upon a Time Saints. Yesterday, we read about the story of St. Moses the black. This dear saint was a robber, who repented. He had a bad habit of short temper. He knew about this bad habit of his, and he shared this problem to one of the hermits. The hermit took him to the top of the hill early in the morning to watch the sunrise. When the sunrise started, the hermit explained that the sun slowly spread its light and the darkness slowly turn into the day. St. Moses the black understood that he can't expect a quick fix to get rid of his short temper. He knew that the graces the Lord will give him, will slowly work on this bad habit, just like the sun in the dawn. I guess what I'm trying to understand is that in this healing process, I can't rush things too.