Thursday, August 23, 2012

Overwhelmed

That's me. With everything.

I'm getting tired easily. School is in full swing, and soon we have to add dance class once a week plus Theresa is going to public school for taking art class and PE to our schedule.

In Iowa, homeschoolers are allowed to join couple of classes with the school district since we're paying taxes. Since we're living in a very small and conservative and Christian and church goers town, DH and I thought we'll give it a try this year and see how we like it. Theresa will have her standardized test sometime in February, so we won't have to come out with extra money to buy the test since she's dual enrolled this year. So..that's school, trying to keep the school going since we're going to take a long break when Rose is born.

Then there are these 2 little ones, Gerard and Maria, my other sweet angels, who have decided that it's fun to be partners in crime. They will last few minutes to activities that I give them when Theresa and I are doing our school, but..they can have fun for hours when I give them more messy stuff to do :))

Then there's this discipline moments when I have to keep sending the mischievous child to time out over and over and over and over again for the same offense. Apparently hearing loss can happen all of a sudden, and I can feel smokes coming out from my ears. Then there's dawdling, taking ages to do the chores I assigned them to do.....*SIGH*

Then there's this feeling of isolation from my part for not having moms who are in the same boat with me. Nobody close enough for me to whine when I feel that why all of a sudden my beautiful angels have turned into.......Nobody can tell me that they have the same problems, the same struggles.  Nobody I can look up to at her struggle to holiness and tell myself "I'm not alone". Nobody that remind me to run to Our Lady.

I complained and broke down to DH, I told him that I've had enough, I'm ready to give up homeschooling. Then I was led to this little sermon, and he said:

"Remember success in homeschooling is not about reaching a certain goal or end, but rather in a doing of it, and that is why it is so difficult, to strive especially when the victory is seem so far away or impossible.."

"Here and now is the task God has given you to do...""Why would you want another reality besides this one?.." "Why would you want another gift than what God has offered you?...""It is not about what I want, but His will..."

 I told DH that I feel lonely in this homeschooling journey. He told me that he is my friend and I can ask him anything about homeschooling. While it is true, he is my bestest friend, and we always discuss everything about school, but he is a man. Men use their logic more. I need moms who use feelings like I do.

*SIGH*

1 comment:

Be Not Afraid said...

Oh that is so hard Amelia. I am dreading, in some ways, starting motherhood again as I know it means many long lonely days. Then long lonely days at the park. Plus, my older son seems to have developed the habit of tuning me out completely. And, for some reason, since being pregnant, I don't have as much patience. So our days aren't going so smoothly anymore and I long for someone to come along and say let me entertain your 5 year old for a couple of hours so you can get caught up with things. But you are right. This is God's gift the here and now. And He is asking us to sanctify ourselves with these crosses. Homeschooling can be very burdensome. Praying for you to find a mom to share with.