My kind of confession...part 2

As I mentioned earlier, education was and still is very important for my parents. I grew up knowing that I had to get the best grade I could get. Surely I was taught about thy shall not kill, thy shall not steal or lie, no drugs, etc, and other common social laws, but it was never emphasized to me about other more important virtues such as faith, hope, love, self control, fear of the Lord, etc. As long as I got good grades, and I didn't do drugs, steal, lie, or in other word kept myself away from jail, I was good to go. I knew about sins, but never really knew about mortal and venial sins. My parents were really supportive in  education, they were loving parents, and they tried to raise their family as best as they can. Of course they made sure that none of their children bring shame and embarrassment to the family. Family honor is very important.

I never knew about modesty, that my body is 'the temple of Holy Spirit' so I dressed as...well...in that kind of fashion. My world was basically about...ME...

Since I entered school, I tried so hard to be accepted, to be that popular girl. At the age of 18, after graduating from high school, I went to college overseas, an hour away from my country of origin, in attempt to get 'better' formal education. So...an 18 year old young girl, with no strong foundation in Catholic Faith teaching, venture around enjoying her freedom, well, I still had to attend classes, of course. I did good in classes, though, but not in the area of my faith and salvation. I wanted to look 'cool', and did things that I wasn't supposed to do, of course I didn't do things that will put myself into jail, no drugs, and no gambling.

When I was a little girl, growing up, I was never really close to my dad. We never really talked heart to heart, and I feel that my dad never made an effort to get to know me. I was a little girl who was lacking of a fatherly love and cuddles. So, when I had my 'freedom', I was looking for male's attention that I didn't get from my dad at the wrong place. I always thought that having a boyfriend is cool. My parents, of course, didn't know my 'social' life, I wasn't that 'stupid' to tell them what I did. Besides, as long as my grades were good, no child, and healthy, they believe that I was behaving well enough and didn't embarrass them.

Graduating from this college, then I transferred my grades to another college in a different country in order to get my degree. This time, the country was a little bit further from my country of origin. It started the same all over again. I kept my grades well, found a part time job, while my faith, salvation and moral were questionable. It was all about good grades, fun, and guys.

Now, looking back, I could see the Good Lord's hands. Maybe..I should say I could see what He allowed me to experience. Remember when I wrote that I went to Mass out of obligation? well, every time I went to a new country for school, I felt homesick as I didn't know anybody and everything was still new to me. The only place I ran to is the Church. Mass was the only thing I felt I was home. There were 2 reasons I went to Mass, obligation and it felt like home. Yup, I went to Mass filthy, without even realizing the need of going to Confession. So...I kept on sinning, and at the same time I kept on going to Mass.




The lacking of father and daughter relationship in my life while I was growing up, made me realize how crucial the father's touch and love are for little children, especially girls. I am blessed with a husband who loves spending time with his kids. He loves cuddling with his girls and son too. They love tackling and climbing on top of daddy. He understands very well his role and how important it is for his children to have their daddy involves in their lives, especially for the girls.

I pray so hard that through my husband's love for his girls, if the Lord chooses married life as vocations for my girls, they will look for husbands who are no less than their earthly daddy. Our son will know how a husband should treat his family, or how a father should be, in married life or in priesthood.